May Day

The Tally

New pages written: many (goal: 6.2 pages per day)
Old pages revised on paper: many
Pages of revisions typed in: many
Pages lost or gained due to revisions: many
Total page count to date: 108 (goal: 200)
Days remaining until D-day: 31
Emails from editor in UK: 0
Emails from agent in NY: 0
Emails from continuity loop: so, so many

Chocolate consumed: Hershey kisses last night
Junk food consumed: none
Exercise: One hour Pilates Mat class
Television watched: Heroes
Tears: yes
Link for the day: Phantom of the Opera clips set to a song I love, Because The Night. This is a great video. Embedding was turned off so I couldn't put the video here.

The tally is back. I'm already freaked out about the book. It's going to be an interesting month. I was hoping to have 120 pages done by today, but I didn't make it. That means I need to get extra pages written this week to catch up. Enough about that.

Heroes last night... The. Best. Show. Ever. Just when I didn't think this show could get any better, I was totally blown away. I wasn't sure what to make of the 5 years in the future gimmick, but wow. The writers did not disappoint. The Nathan/Sylar twist had my jaw on the floor. Seriously. Peter with a scar...totally hot. This chick really does dig scars. Totally made up for the absence of Isaac. I wish I could watch the episode again. I'm sure I missed things! If you watched, what did you think?

My brilliant critique partner gave me awesome feedback on Chapter four, which I rewrote again yesterday after talking to her. I thought I'd give you a taste of my revision process for anyone interested.

BEFORE:

Keep her steady.

Kane gripped the yoke, his muscles straining to regain control the speeding plane. The plane jostled, skidding and bouncing on the snow-covered meadow. He had no idea how deep or what obstacles lay beneath the blanket of white. All he could see was the forest of tall, thick trees looming ahead.

Come on baby, stop.

An image of Serena flashed through his mind. He'd heard her scream before.

Think. Focus.

He couldn't afford any distractions.

The lights on the control panel flickered. What the...? Everything blacked out on the panel. No engines, no electricity, no control.

Damn.

Even though he was only along for the ride now, Kane continued holding onto the yoke. He had to at least try to save them.

The forest drew closer. Individual trees stood out. Far too little space between the solid trunks. Heavy, snow-laden branches. Sharp, frozen pine needles.

Sweat streamed down Kane's back. Adrenaline surged. He tasted salt. Fear. Something he hadn't experienced since kneeling at his mother's side after her heart attack, hoping she'd wake up so he could tell her how much he loved her. Needed her.

Concentrate. No distractions.

A hard jolt knocked Kane to the right. His harness held in place. The plane veered, dipped, rolled. The tear of metal, the teeth clenching squeal a million times worse than fingernails on a chalkboard, made his stomach clench.

CRITIQUE PARTNER COMMENT: Hmm…I know you’re trying really hard to infuse this scene with emotion, but it is an action scene. An action scene in guy POV. Tightening Kane’s internal monologues, keeping him focused on his objectives, will make him seem more heroic and provide a natural source of conflict.

AFTER (first attempt at revision):

Serena's scream shivered through the cockpit.

Kane broke into a cold flop sweat.

He gripped the yoke, his muscles straining to regain control of the speeding plane. The plane jostled, skidding and bouncing on the deceptively flat snow. He couldn't worry about what lay hidden underneath that white blanket. A row of trees loomed straight ahead. He stepped harder on the brakes.

Come on baby. Stop for Papa.

The lights on the control panel flickered. What the...? No engines, no electricity, no control.

And Serena, along for the ride.

Kane swore, wrestling the unresponsive yoke as the forest hurtled closer. Individual trees sprang out of the shadowed mass. Far too little space between the solid trunks. Heavy, snow-laden branches. Sharp, frozen pine needles.

Fear was flat and bitter in his mouth.

A hard jolt knocked Kane to the right. He yelled a single word of warning “Serena!" His harness held in place. The plane veered, dipped, rolled. The teeth-clenching squeal of tearing metal knotted his stomach.

Hope you get lots done today! I plan to write as much as I can. What about you?